This is the article that literally no one asked for, but you’re going to get it anyway.

In honour of Avengers: Endgame, my friend and I decided to take it upon ourselves to watch every Marvel Cinematic Universe film in the right order, from start to finish. The desire to complete such a strenuous marathon was sparked by a cumulation of shared public humiliation due to lack of MCU knowledge. We set out to embark on a journey that honestly, quite a lot of people have done before. Our combined background knowledge consisted of: a) I had watched Thor 3 over five times because Mark Ruffalo looked hot in it and b) Caitlin thinks she may have sat through one of the Avengers films on a date. All in all, we had a long road ahead of us. But we would complete it, whatever it takes.

Just for you, we documented our viewing experience along the way. Please be aware that these thoughts are real, they are raw and they are messy. We’re often mistaken for the same person, so we thought we may as well merge our ideas together too (good luck guessing who said what). Enjoy.

1.Captain America: The First Avenger
(Streamed on a lonely Friday night)
Steve Rogers is hot

I admire his patriotic values
Sad he didn’t get to have that dance with Peggy

2. Iron Man
(Streamed on Stan on the following lonely Saturday night)
Good to see Gwyneth expanding her skills (Goop > Poosh)

Is Tony Stark meant to be hot?
I like his brain

3. The Incredible Hulk
We made an executive decision to skip this one
Mark Ruffalo isn’t in it
No relation to Marvel
And it wasn’t available on Netflix or Stan

4. Iron Man 2
(Streamed on Stan, was late to work for this movie- I blamed the airport traffic)
Cool cool cool
Ending is exciting
Basically the same as the first one

5. Thor
(Streamed on Stan before a Body Pump class, we felt very powerful afterwards)
Chris Hemsworth looks weird
Too much fake blonde
Go back to your natural roots Chris
I wouldn’t want him to be my boyfriend – I would never be the star of the relationship
Natalie Portman’s scientist mentor is kind of hot

6. The Avengers
(Streamed on Stan on an average Wednesday)
This movie made me scared about alien invasions
Impressive fighting
And teamwork
Great collaborative work
Why isn’t Chris with Natalie – they’re literally in the same city

7. Iron Man 3
(Streamed on Stan, Caitlin watched this with her cat, Dad, and sister)
Loved this one, awesome story line
Ticked all my boxes
Glad to see Pepper getting in on the action
Blowing up all those fancy suits was a great romantic gesture, but was it really the best idea?!

8. Thor: The Dark World
(Streamed on Stan right before a sad Grill’d shift)
Kind of excited the old doctor isn’t wearing pants
Bit too much space stuff
(honestly we forgot to write down notes for this one, it’s not the best movie)

9. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
(Streamed on Stan, were both a bit occupied on tinder throughout this one)
Steve Rogers is still hot
Bit weird that he’s into an old lady, but cute I guess
Admirable dedication, I can’t commit to a boy for longer than a month
Bucky needs to be protected at all costs

10. Guardians of the Galaxy
Streamed on Stan after a big 10 hour day at work, Maddy attempted to watch whilst also  finishing an assignment)
Don’t know if I was in the right mindset for this, lots of outer space stuff going on?
Racoon (Rocket?) reminded me of my cat
Found out Vin Diesel voices Groot
Made me think about Paul Walker
Now I’m sad

11. Guardian of the Galaxy Vol. 2
(Paid big bucks to rent this one on iTunes, Maddy was still working on her assignment)
I now better understand the Guardians of the Galaxy vibe and really enjoyed Volume 2
Chris Pratt has a great moustache (side note: can every month be Movember?)
Now Baby Groot and the racoon both remind me of my cat
FUN soundtrack had mum singing along and I think I missed some important dialogue

12. Avengers: Age of Ultron
(Streamed on Stan, tried to watch this with our other friend Heather but she didn’t like it)
Lots of sexy smart science things happening – yummy
Anyone else think the red robot is hot?
And do you think his lips would be soft?
Banner and Stark were a bit silly (science is scary) but I forgive them

13. Ant-Man
(Streamed on Stan, Caitlin was eating pizza and Maddy was eating pork chops)
Love Paul Rudd
Where’s Cher?
Loving the bugs
A great light-hearted break following on from Ultron

14. Captain America: Civil War
(This film was NOT on Stan and Caitlin had to buy the DVD for $15, worth it)
The cap’s loyalty to his friends is so admirable
Although my friends are hot and witty, I don’t think I could replicate that
Wow I never realised that Bucky is also super attractive, do they only cast hot people?

15. Black Panther
(Streamed on Stan between a big weekend split shift)
This movie is the definition of cool
Lots of great strong female leads
Awesome soundtrack
the powers in his suit are INSANE, he will make an excellent addition to the squad
I’d let Michael B. Jordan be my king

16. Spider-Man: Homecoming
(Maddy had to teach Caitlin how to stream online using dodgy websites)
He’s a little bit silly
Hot though
Loved the whole vibe of this movie
Tom Holland is cute and a lil bit pathetic, just like me
Big dick energy not becoming an avenger
School is important, great morals Peter Parker xx

17. Doctor Strange
(Shamefully rented this on iTunes for $4.99)
Tres weird
No one is hot
Unpopular opinion but I actually think Benedict Cumberbatch is a sex god
Well I can’t quite get around this one, but I can respect his powers

18. Ant-Man and the Wasp
(Streamed on Stan, had to wait one full day for this to finally be released)
Fun fun FUN
These movies are awesome
I hope Ant-man and his friends are okay? Why did they dissolve?

19. Captain Marvel
(Stafford Cinema was booked out so we had to go to Coorparoo Cinema)
Trekked across Brisbane to try and see this (I am a journalist dedicated to my craft)
Epic displays of girl power, I’m in love with her
She can fly better than Maverick
I trusted the skrulls as soon as I heard that Aussie accent (hot voice, who is he?!)
Really disappointed in Jude Law
My cat is cuter than Goose, but not nearly as powerful
This chick is literally going to save the entire universe
All round epic movie and worth the trip to Coorparoo

20. Thor: Ragnorok
(Streamed on Stan, made all our Grill’d friends watch this on a blobby Sunday)
I cannot believe that is BRISBANE
I met Loki when they filmed this and he gave me a warm smile, he is the best character
Fucking love Mark Ruffalo
This is one of the best Marvel movies of all time
If Cate Blanchett wasn’t so mean I’d want her to be my mum

21. Avenger Infinity War
(Streamed on Stan, Caitlin had to watch this alone while Maddy was closing at work)
Woah the Cap looks good in a beard
I’d let him give me a pash rash
Lots going on
Very stressful
I hope some freaky science shit solves everything
Tom Holland is too cute to die
Where is Valkyrie???
Ohhh so that’s why Ant-Man’s friends dissolved

22. Avengers: Endgame
(Booked our tickets to see this at Newmarket Cinema)

Thanks to my dear friend Caitlin Anderson for her expertise, dedication and companionship throughout.


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1 comment

Amanda -

Love your review. I saw Endgame without watching all the past movies, I applaud your dedication to your art 😂


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