Coming into this year, we felt like Nicole Kidman screaming into the sky and thanking the (non-scientology) Gods for smiling down on her. The entire world waited with baited breath for the clock to tick over into a new year so that we could wash our hands of the disease that was 2020 (sorry, was that in poor taste? We don’t care anymore).
Where were you when you said goodbye to 2020? Were you flying over Uluru, champagne flute in hand and enjoying the last sunset of the year? Maybe you were having a sad little faux-falls festival in your lounge room? Or, maybe you were sending out some last minute “please don’t come to my party” messages after realising you’ve gone over Covid restrictions. Personally, we were at a house in Paddington with a pool. If you caught the ABC news that night, you would have seen our friend, and host, Annalise Gowling telling the 60+ demographic across Australia “I just want to get maggoted with my friends”. As it neared midnight, we were in fact so maggoted, that we completely missed the countdown. But that’s okay, because at 12:15am we celebrated in style; Madsy going in for a smooch with Tom, and him using his entire body strength to throw her across a concrete floor. He’s a monster and she still has physical and emotional bruises.
Beef aside, the relief that washed over us for the new year can only be rivaled by Nicole signing the divorce papers and saying sayonara to Scientologist fan boy Tommy Cruise (the hot ones are always the most dangerous). Except Nicole got Keith, and we got 2021.
It’s not even a month into a new year, and there’s already been some batshit crazy plot twists.
- Trump was banned from Twitter. And Facebook. And Shopify. And Pinterest (that last one really gets us)
- A redneck Republican got trigger happy and accidentally tasered himself to death (through his own balls) during the storming of the Capitol
- Azealia Banks dug up and boiled her own dead cat on Instagram live, to the surprise of literally no one
- The Australian cricket team lost to India (at the Gabba, no less) for the first time in 38 years. Once again, this has proved our point that Pat Cummins is the biggest smoke in Aussie sport. Please leave your fiance for me
- Michelle Obama’s pants, Biden’s hot offspring, and Bernie’s mittens turned it up at the inauguration
- Kim filed for divorce over Kanye/Jeffrey Star scandal
- And we signed the lease on a house with our two best friends!
Brisbane had a small hiccup along the way: London’s superstrain of COVID sent us into a three-day lockdown. It was pretty shit timing because A) we spent the better half of 2020 blowing smoke up Brisbane’s asshole and B) we had an extremely expensive ticket to boat party on the Brown Snake that weekend
Thanks to our boss ass bitch premier, Annastacia Palaszczuk, and the strong will of the citizens of our beloved city (north and south), Brisbane managed to maintain and uphold its status as the place to be–a safe haven from germs.
We’ve secretly loved watching people who thought they were above Brisbane come crawling back through the borders—finally forced to deal with the honest truth. That Brisbane isn’t that bad. In fact, it’s kind of like the greatest city in the world.
In our (admittedly extremely niche) round up of everything better than 2020, Brisbane came out on top — and was about time.
Here are 21 Things That Are Better Than 2020:
- Tight fitting t-shirts from the $1 bin at Red Cross
- Megan Thee Stallion’s entire discography
- Carly Rae Jepson’s Christmas song
- Pink wigs
- Everything that landed Erika Giradi in the headlines in the latter half of the year
- When that random guy from the burbs yelled at Scott Morrison to get off his grass
- When the UQ library flooded during exam block and everyone was literally forced to go home
- Madsy’s now famous lemon meringue pie
- The Bardon Bowls Club
- The Holidate
- The free counselling you received from your Uber driver on Sunday morning
- That first vomit from a big one after restrictions eased
- The $164 Rex Orange County ticket refund coming into your account right after Christmas shopping
- Finally having the third best toenails in the group
- Getting kicked out of The Lychee Lounge on a Wednesday
- Taramasalata dip (seriously, did you know you could buy this at Coles and Woolies? I went a year thinking I could only eat this at Greca)
- Halloween parties in mid-November
- ‘So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings’ by Caroline Polachek
- The GoodReads community
- Diana’s arrival on The Crown and consequential influx of Di documentaries on Netflix and Di content PERIOD.
What were the roses of your 2020?